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Interview with
Loch Ness Monster
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Interview with Loch Ness Monster
(Nessie) Monster or gentle leviathan? Fierona Draconus here with an interview with Nessie to set the record straight once and for all. Fierona: So Nessie, can you tell us a little about yourself? Nessie: What's to tell, Fierona? It's been a long, lonely life in Loch Ness. Have you ever tried to have a discussion with a fish? They're not very scintillating conversationalists. Maybe if a few mermaids graced my pond it would be better, but it's a bit cold for them. Fierona: Let's cut straight to the chase here. Are you a monster? Nessie: Define monster. Do you mean slimy and evil? Carnivorous and malicious? Or do you simply mean large, gentle and misunderstood? Fierona: Monster - gentle, somehow that doesn't seem to go together to me. Nessie: It depends on your perspective. Have you swum a mile in my skin? No. So how would you know? Fierona: That's why we're here to ask these questions. To give our readers the truth and dispel the myths that surround Loch Ness. Nessie: Wait a minute. I have millions of people coming to visit me and you want me to ruin the mystique? Do you know how lonely I was before the invention of the movie camera? Now people travel from all corners of the globe just trying to get a glimpse of me. Fierona: Let's put aside the fact that a globe can't have corners and concentrate on how having people come to see you is a benefit when you hide from them. Nessie: It's all very complicated. Unless you're in my position, it's all very hard to understand. Think of it like fishing for humans. I give them a glimpse, ie: the bait and wait for them to come to me. Fierona: But from the ad you placed in this issue of Fractured Publisher, I was under the impression you were looking for companionship? Doesn't that imply a physical relationship. Nessie: It's one thing to have a companion, it's another to be on display for millions of strangers every day. Who knows where they've been and what germs they might be carrying? Fierona: So are you a germophobe? Is that why you're looking for a platonic relationship only? You do realize the fish poop in the lake, don't you? How is that better than the people who come to see you? Nessie: Fish germs are different than people germs. They're not contagious. I was born in water, I've lived in water all my life, fish excrement is part of Loch Ness monsterism. Have you ever met another Loch Ness monster? No, I didn't think so. That means there's not much chance of any relationship being more than platonic. We didn't agree to cover that issue when we set out the parameters of this interview. I think I should be leaving now. Fierona: Well readers, there's no danger of losing the mystique of the Loch Ness monster as we don't know any more about him than we did at the start of this interview. Nessie: I prefer "it" not "him" Fierona: Whatever. Join us in the next issue when we interview the last DoDo bird.
© Copyright Tina Morgan & Ciara Grey
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© Copyright 2007 The Fractured Publisher |
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