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Censored!
By: James Hartley
32 Sunshine Way
Sandy Beach, Florida
Ted Tarquin, Editor
Stunning Stories
P.O. Box 9999
New York, NY
Dear Ted,
I was glad of the chance to talk to you last April at DaytonaCon. Your
reminiscences of the late, great Asimac Isaamov and other famous authors
you have worked with were fascinating.
I also appreciated the chance to tell you about my new story, "A Dark and
Stormy Knight." It was a real shame we were interrupted part way through
by that "must take" cell phone call. I guess it's lucky you caught it, I
miss most calls when I have my phone on vibrate. But I remembered your
parting words, "Just send it in." Barkis is willing, so here it is.
Well, actually this is the fourth or fifth time I've tried, I'm still not
sure what happened the other times. When I tried to mail it in on paper
there was something in the news about a fire at the Post Office so I guess
you never got that one.
Mostly I tried to e-mail it, but I seem to have terrible luck with
computers. If I weren't careful I'd never have finished the story. I do
daily backups onto several CD's and store some at my brother-in-law's. You
wouldn't believe how many
times my computer has frozen, crashed, or even caught fire. The guy from
the Geek Squad said it looked like my computer was haunted. They refuse to
come out any more. If I phone them they just tell me, "Call Ghost
Busters!" and hang up.
I know one of my e-mails got to your office, somebody sent me a reply. But
they said the attachment with the story was scrambled beyond recognition.
This time it's in the body of the e-mail.
So, Ted, I'm sitting here with baited breath, waiting to hear how great
you think my story is.
Sincerely,
L. Stanley Barkis (Stan)
* * * the story * * *
A Dark and Stormy Knight
by L. Stanley Barkis
It was a dark and stormy knight, the Moorish Paladin Sir Tempestuous, who
banged on the gate of the castle with the butt of his shattered lance, and
holding the head of a large male
dragon aloft in his other hand, proclaimed, "I tracked this beast, from
his lair, as he flew for miles, and finally I smote and slew him, as the
Bull were littin'!"
The gate opened and ****Censored**** ****Censored****
CENSORED by the Committee of Spirits for the Spirit of Great
Literature!
The CSSGL apologizes for not catching this sooner.
Attachments are easy, one dash of Ectoplasm will
turn a Word Document to Slime. But this clown found the diabolical trick
of putting the text in the body of his e-mail. We'll have to watch
him more closely in the future. Travesties like this must be stamped
out. (And the idiot doesn't even know 'baited' from 'bated.')
Sincerely, the CSSGL
Charles Dickens
Edgar Allen Poe
Asimac Isaamov
Author bio:
James Hartley is a retired computer
programmer. He grew up in northern New Jersey, and has now settled in
sunny central Florida. He has published a fantasy novel, "Teen Angel," and
stories in Everyday Fiction, Demon Minds, Lorelei Signal, Kidvisions,
Golden Visions, and Nocturnal Ooze. He is currently working on a second
novel, "The Ghost of Grover's Ridge."
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