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Priorities
By Kevin Tisserand
"Hey Michele,
have you seen Kevin around lately?"
"No Tina, not
since he said you lived in Texas. Why?"
"I'm a bit
worried about him. I got an email yesterday morning. Here, I printed it
out." Tina passed a single printed page to her friend. As Michele read the
short message, Tina looked out over the cliff and went over it again in
her mind. It was from Kevin's email address, but had come directly to her
inbox, rather than going through the fantasy list. It said, "Send 40
pounds of sunflower seeds, unsalted, or you'll never read a post from K
again." It was signed "H", and then listed an address in Canada. It had
been typed in a font made to look like letters clipped out of newspapers
and magazines.
Michele handed
the page back. "What did he say his gerbil's name was?"
"Harry," replied
Tina, "but he was just kidding, right? Like usual? You don't really think
he was serious, do you?" She pointed at the printed sheet. "A gerbil
couldn't have done this."
Just then they
heard a rustling sound from the nearby bushes. The two women turned toward
it, but saw nothing. Tina made a quick, furtive gesture with her hand and
Michele melted into the foliage.
"Hey! Who's
there?" called Tina.
There was more
rustling, then Rob's head popped up. "Uh, just me." He held a half eaten
tuna sandwich in one hand and seemed to be hiding something behind his
back with the other.
Tina's eyes
narrowed in suspicion. "What have you got there, Rob?"
"Just a
sandwich." He took another bite as though to prove it.
"In the other
hand."
"Uh, nothing."
"Come on, let's
have it."
Rob sheepishly
handed over a rolled up magazine. Tina unrolled it and saw it was a copy
of "Oldies, but Goodies". It was open to a two page photo of a naked 50
year old woman.
Rob blushed.
Tina flung the
magazine over the cliff in disgust.
Trying to change
the subject, Rob asked, "So Tina, what brings you out here today?"
"It's Kevin."
She showed him the email printout. "Any thoughts?"
"Send salted
sunflower seeds," he quipped. "That'll teach him."
"Rob, this is no
time to joke. This is serious."
"Tell that to
Kevin. I had a good thing going on that list. I was the funny guy. I had
it all. I had the record of "LOL" responses, I could make half the list
spew beverages out their noses, I INVENTED the <break the chain> tag lines
for goodness sake! Sure, Darin could pull a good one now and then, and
you, and the Bobs, and a few others from time to time. But I was the
leader. I was the undisputed master of hilarity. But then Kevin started
in. Oh, I know, he's been around for a long time. And he's always been
able to drop a funny line now and then. But how am I supposed to take this
new level of competition? He already had the elephants, now he's got a
gerbil too? And don't think I've forgotten his piece on the 'big bouncy
mat'. That was MY idea he responded to. MINE! So now his precious gerbil
has him in a bind? I say it serves him right."
Rob never knew
what hit him. The blurred streak that was Michele broad-sided him,
knocking the remnants of the sandwich from his hand, and sending him
flailing over the edge of the cliff.
"That's for your
ego!" Michele called out after him.
Rob's voice
drifted up thinly from the ravine below, "Break the chain - hog the
spotlight." There was a second of silence, then a distinct splat.
Tina peered over
the cliff. "What did he land in this time?"
"Cream of
wheat," said Michele. "I filled it up last night."
"So anyway,"
said Tina, turning away from the cliff, "what should we do about Kevin."
"Never mind
about that. You'll never guess what I found in the bushes while I was
circling around behind Rob."
"What?"
"These." Michele
held up a pair of white boxers. On the waistband was embroidered a single
word. "Oded."
Tina looked at
Michele. "If Oded is really here, and you have his boxers ..."
"Exactly!"
"Which way?"
"Follow me."
-- THE END --
© Copyright 2004 Kevin Tisserand
http://www3.telus.net/tisserand/
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